Freckles™

Dunia semakin panas. Nilai semakin dingin. Kontradiksi yang gak penting tapi pernyataan yang pertama itu serius. Ini tidak berkaitan dengan isu global warming atau kekacauan ekosistem yang makin hari makin marak. Saya mau berbicara mengenai manusia.

Bagi saya, ciptaan Tuhan yang paling mengerikan adalah manusia. Tapi bagaimanapun juga, ngeri itu relatif, bukan? Secara pribadi, saya berpendapat demikian. Saya tidak pandai mengutip filosofi tapi membicarakan ini saya teringat pada perkataan klasik, "With great power comes great responsibilities." Manusia diberikan akal budi oleh pencipta. Sesuatu yang secara khusus dianugerahkan, tidak kepada apapun selain manusia. Mungkin memang Adam tidak sepatutnya memakan buah pengetahuan itu.

Manusia memiliki sifat adaptatif. Mereka seperti memiliki rasa haus yang tak kunjung terpuaskan. Selalu ingin lebih: dari orang lain terutama. Kain dan Habel atau Cain and Able kalau mau berlaga internasional. Sebuah cerita yang populer tentang kebohongan pertama manusia, juga aksi kriminal pertama yang dilakukan untuk mengatasi orang lain. Mengeliminasi sesama dan berdusta adalah kejahatan yang sudah dikenal sejak zaman manusia pertama yang tercatat dalam sejarah.

Lalu manusia pun mengembangkan zaman. Kompleksitas merayapi setiap aspek kehidupan. Semuanya dibuat begitu rumit. Dikatakanlah ini adalah untuk kebaikan kita semua. Maka lahirlah agama, politik, ekonomi, dan ide-ide brilian lainnya. Mereka yang tidak setuju boleh menciptakan ilmu-ilmu lain yang bertentangan dengan yang lainnya. Bagaimanapun juga, semua ciptaan itu adalah untuk memuaskan hati manusia akan hal-hal yang tak terjawab.

Mereka yang mampu, menciptakan sistem. Mereka yang malas, menuruti sistem. Mereka yang independen, menentang sistem. Mereka yang menutup mata, tidak melihat sistem. Saya secara pribadi merasa ketakutan.

Saya takut terhadap napsu manusia yang semakin tak terkendali. Tuhan tidak lagi menegur Kain, bertanya, "Di manakah adikmu?" Kain sudah semakin cerdas. Otaknya dipenuhi dengan konspirasi dan taktik untuk memenggal kepala para bidak dan men-skak mat lawannya. Pahit mengingat ini, membuat saya malas untuk berharap. Tidak perlu melihat gambar besar. Hiduplah sebagaimana adanya, sebagai pelajar, sebagai anak, sebagai orang tua, sebagai pegawai. Tidak perlu ikut campur dalam sistem, apapun itu. Karena inilah saya tidak keberatan lagi bila TheMarksMan berkoar ingin jadi presiden.

Terkadang saya merasa prihatin melihat mereka yang naif. Berpikir bahwa dengan berjuang, semuanya bisa dilakukan. Saya merasa benar karena hanya berjuang dalam sistem. Mengikuti kaidah-kaidah yang sudah ditetapkan orang, enggan untuk mencari jalan lain. Saya yang tidak suka akan perasaan tidak aman, si pengecut.

Sampai saya menemukan pernyataan ini di halaman facebook seorang relasi (nama tidak disamarkan),

Aju Ade: Ketika politik menyumbat ruang publik dengan kebohongan, adakah kesempatan untuk nurani berbicara? Sepenuh keyakinan kukatakan "ya". Dan bersama kita bisa.

I'd admit that this might not the best picture we had together. There are tons of pictures of me and these two little girls with tons of expressions you would not normally thought of. But if I have to compare this picture with all those extraordinaries, you would agree with me and pick this one among all.

It's a picture of me and my sisters. People who had seen me with them would say that there are three Mandas in our family. That is how they describe our physical similarity. Non-physicals?

To be honest, I was not aware of these unseen characters we shared together. When we were children, I would chase them around crying and get spanked in the end by my mother or other corporal punishments for "torturing" these actually-not-so-innocent creatures. I remember that I coloured the house with desperate shouts and cries of my sisters nearly every day. Even after they got into teenagers, I could still find their point of weakness and torture them to cry for it. I still see them as the little babies who'd never grow up.

Sometimes I envy my friends who could get along very fine with their siblings. So fine that they do not mind to sincerely express their love towards each other and actually miss them when one is leaving the others. Me and my sisters are very proud individuals. We would never say that we love or miss one another out loud as much as we might want to.

However, it was very clear during this year, I found myself getting more and even more attached to them. Kezia is now in her first year of senior high school and Muti is in her second grade of junior high. Neither of them is exactly a baby. I can feel it from the changes in the way we communicate, their taste in music, how much they got involved in recent trends and their shifting priorities and point of views. I can barely remember now why would I tortured them in the past while we can get along so easily at this moment.

We share the same interest: comic books, internet, computer games, jokes, and some of the music influences, mostly my childish demands. Even when our interests contradict, we would work our ways and eventually come to an agreement at some point. This is when I realize that my babies had grown. I used to ask Muti if she feels uncomfortable being "spoiled" and treated as a brat. She does not mind. It gave me even more reason to not see them as growing teenagers.

However, I checked their facebook for quite some time and... well, to put it short, it inspired me to see them as they are now. To see them in the way the world see them. They are no longer those brats who cry when I took their dolls or stupid kid with whom I had to argue to get to read our kids magazine first. They already got their ability to reason and sometimes it simply fascinates me to see how fast they have developed their mind. Maybe I have gotten too soft myself but I'd rather let this feeling to last :)

Labels: curhat, family

Where do I start? This hiatus left me a bunch to say but I do not want to make this post a journal article so here goes nothing.

When I wake up at hours like this, I usually sleep it off until my regular wake-up time, which is around 4-5 hours later. However, today, I cannot seem to put my mind at ease and rest as the usual days.

I have been thinking. Seriously. I know I do not think at most of the time but at this very dawn of my departure to Nilai, I have been thinking a lot.

One is about the recent happenings regarding the situations with Malaysia. I am really fed up and disappointed of the sudden nationalism and extreme hatred demonstrated by a lot of Indonesians as a response to this. It is an exaggerated human nature. I am no God so I do not know what is going on beneath the surface. In fact, we are all no God so what is with the jumping into conclusions?

During my high school lessons, I was forced to read a newspaper article about an expert's opinion regarding our nation. He, as an Indonesian, with a disappointment labeled our country as a theatre stage where the governments put on shows to "entertain" and keep their nation busy as they practice their "own business", which obviously they want nobody to notice and that is why the theatre is on at the first place. Let us see one example.

Do you not think that Indonesia had copied a bit of American terrorist scenario? Basically it involves a huge bombing and a terrorist whose existence we would never know. Do you not think that M. Top is a lot like bin Laden? And you would like to pay attention to how the terrorist was captured and killed or Malaysians claiming our rendang or whatsoever rather than why the Bank of Century is receiving that insanely large sum of "help" from the Government? This is what I mean by a nation-wide distraction, well played by the pawns to drive our people's mind to where "they" would want it.

Whatevs. Let's face it. We are blindly eating up all those craps served by the media. And as a human being, people see what they want to see. It is inevitable. So please, think clear, people. We have been living off manipulated history (i.e. the Indonesian Communism Party) and what is so difficult to manipulate the media? Once again, be selective and critical.

Solving the conflict would be easier if both Indonesian and Malaysian party is willing to sit face to face and reconcile the misled paths so that no confusions would spring out in the future. It is better to spare a day or two for a Culture Talk or whatsoever than to have lifelong conflicts involving sweepings and deportations :D *self-defense*

Whew. Kok jadi panjang? Gue kan maunya curhat bukan tentang ini. Euh... Pendek aja deh...

True, I watched Hannah Montana The Movie. She got the best of both worlds after she chose to prioritise what should matter the most in her life. Eventually, she got the best of both world! I'm envious. Super envy.

I wonder if that would happen to me.

I am always trapped in my worlds, my college life world when I am in Nilai and my family and friend life world when I am in Bogor. I wonder how to strike a balance and get the best of both. The trade off will be the hard work required. But it does not seem like that in the movieee... :p I want to live easily and simply get my dream life!

My study will be finished soon (fingers crossed for last sem's results, believe me, this matter gave me nights of nightmares even during the holiday >_<) and my parents already put me on the position to for the unemployment race. In short, I need to get a job. This is difficult. I know I would definitely cope with everything, God is with me. But still, as an individual human being, I feel so weak and I don't know, helpless?

Nevertheless, I totally feel like not going back to Nilai after this holiday. I don't think I'm ready to cope with the fast-paced life and hard work, especially now that I know I need to get a job so I better make it at best. I'd miss my a-bit-slower-paced holiday when I could play with my younger sisters and food and drink comes for free. Where I know I am loved and under protection. This is my comfort zone and I do not want to leave it. Right now.

Birds fly, guys having sex with guys, Malaysia claimed our national treasures and life goes on. I guess I just need to get to the present starting from today.

Welcoming back myself to the neighbouring country. Hello, Nilai...

Labels: curhat, lesson of life

Sudah sangat lama sekali saya tidak meng-update blog ini. Tidak ada yang menunggu juga kan? Jadi saya tidak mengecewakan siapa siapa. :)

Oh well, people say that with the subjects I'm taking this semester, it's going to be hell and what do I know? I still took them all and, boy, am I in hell or what?

Anyway, I finally took some free time to sit down and relax *digeplak, "FAT ama MOE kerjain woy!!"* and I decided to make use of it at most. :)

Kemarin saya ada niat untuk menulis tapi menguap begitu saja dalam lima menit, sebelum saya sampai di rumah dan merealisasikan inspirasi tersebut. Takpelah. Seingat saya sih tidak begitu penting juga bahan tulisannya.

Hmm... saya menonton film SETEM, dua kali hanya dalam selang waktu dua hari. *bukannya tadi katanya gak ada waktu yah? kok nonton film? ahsudahlah jangan banyak cingcong, saya mau cerita*

Komentar? Lucu abis. Nonton dua kali dalam selang waktu sesingkat itu, saya masih bisa ketawa ngakak sampe ilang napas. Ya, saya yakin kok saya tidak terjangkit flu babi. Filmnya tentang upaya pencurian sebuah prangko (ya, setem was as in stamp). Ada beberapa pihak yang tertarik dengan artikel berharga ini dan konflik di antara merekalah yang menjadi inti cerita dan banyolannya.

Ada geng piranha yang isinya kelompok mafia Cina, geng tossai yang isinya mantan narapidana India dan rekannya yang sumpah-tololnya-parah-bikin-ngakak, geng anak yatim yang butuh uang untuk mencegah ditutupnya sebuah panti asuhan, geng yang teraniaya serta geng bakso.

Mungkin faktor bahasa yang bikin saya dan teman2 saya ngakak ga keru-keruan di studio sana. Coba aja bandingin baca Crayon Manohara Shinosuke Shinchan dan Dik Cerdas. Dik Cerdas bakal beberapa kali lebih lucu daripada Shinchan (meski saya rasa sih sebaiknya baca Shinchan dulu biar ngerti maksud dan jalan cerita yang sesungguhnya).

Semoga bakal ada bajakannya supaya bisa saya pamerkan kepada teman-teman di Indonesia. *tetep piracy*

Labels: college life, Daily Life, Freckles, movie, review

"Doohh, ini website game kok lama banget yak ngeloadnya..."
"Ya ini kan emang bukan waktunya lo untuk maen internet, nda... Journal tuh digarapp..."
"Iya iya bentar kali ini gue mau liat dulu game apaan yang seru..."
"Eh parah gila lo.. assignmentt! Lo tuh masih ada sinoptik kaliii... Masiih aja mikirin game."
"Santai... bentar aja koookk.. Tar di kampus ampe jam 7 deh, janji2..."
"Ah gak percaya lagi gue ama lo... kemaren aja lo jadinya balik jam 5. Hahh, udah gitu di rumah juga gak ngapa2in.. Parah bangett..."
"Iya2, janji, sekarang gue di perpus ampe jam 7 terus di rumah boleh maen yah..."
"Yang bener lo ah.. Sakit banget lo.. Kebiasaan deh gak pernah nganggep serius masalah kaya ginian."
"Iya2, gue janji. Tar dulu deh ya.. Sekarang maen dulu..."
"Au ah."

Labels: college life, Freckles, stupid

Jari tangan kanan saya lebih panjang daripada jari tangan kiri.
Kaki kanan saya lebih besar setengah ukuran daripada kaki kiri.
Mata kanan saya -1.75 sementara mata kiri saya normal.

I think I'm pretty much unbalanced.

Labels: Freckles, stupid